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ANN Interview With Joe Biden on Paducah UFO Crash

Steven Andrews

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Characters Referenced: Adam Dunn Joe Biden

Adam Dunn, ANN: So, Mr. President, thank you for this interview on the...surprising...incident this week. I guess the first question I have to ask is how we know of their peaceful intentions - well, aside from the fact that they haven't wiped us out previously?
Joe Biden, POTUS: "It's my pleasure Adam. Congratulations on the success so far of ANN. I see great potential in your organization. You're exactly right in your analysis. They could have destroyed us many times over. But instead they've helped us develop the microchip and Kevlar. They've already proven their intentions. Just imagine what more we can achieve if we work together."
Dunn: "Wait, you mean they've had prior active contact with us - that is, humanity, if not the United States in particular - in some fashion?"
Biden: "That's correct."
Dunn: "So, what form has this contact taken? You'll pardon me; I grew up watching The X-Files so I think we all have to wonder how this has gone up until now...especially with all of the rumors surrounding abductions and the like."
Biden: "February 20, 1954. President Eisenhower met with them."
Note: This is a reference to a long-rumored meeting between President Eisenhower and a group of aliens, for which an emergency dental appointment was used as a cover story.

Dunn: "Wow. So that was real." brief pause "So, what form have these - I presume, informal - contacts taken since then?”
Biden holds up a cell phone.
"I don't even want to imagine the rates on those long-distance calls."
Biden: "Each administration has met with them since 1954. Communication happens telepathically, but we tend to avoid face to face meetings. Adam, you know how the Earth has a bubble of electronic signals being emitted into space? That's their best way to contact and monitor us here on Earth. Basically anything on the internet they have access too. So we can telegraph back and forth when we need to. Er, I mean text message or IM or whatever."
Dunn: "So, because I know someone else will if I don't...abductions. Did they happen? And if so, how often and why? I would note...the telepathic communication point lines up with plenty of abduction narratives."
Biden: "I'm not prepared to go into that at this time, but the so-called Nordics that crashed in Kentucky do not abduct anyone."

Dunn: "Alright, so I want to ask...since you specified a group...are there others out there that we know of?"
Biden: "There are many intelligent species in the universe. A few have contacted us, but most are even less developed than we and lack the capability.”
Dunn: "Do we consider there to be a risk that if we align ourselves with one, we may...draw the unwanted attention of others? Or on the other hand, is aligning ourselves with them likely the best defense against other species' potential actions?"
Biden: "You're correct on both counts. We're already...We're being protected."
Dunn: "Understood. So, onto the crash itself. Do we know what happened to cause their craft to come down?"
Biden: "Human error." Biden chuckles "Well, you know what I mean."
Dunn: "Well, in nearly seventy years of flights, I guess it was bound to happen eventually. I guess I have to also ask if Roswell was a crash as well?"
Biden: "It was. But not the same group."
Dunn: "So, given that further contact - in-person...you know, what I mean...contact, that is - is likely to happen in the near future, what steps are being taken to ensure that we don't get one another sick?"
Biden: "Fantastic question. That's always a concern, but many precautions are taken. The ETs have perfected the process of sanitation if in person contact is to occur. But this is quite rare, as I imagine it's a long process for them. Like an actor in the makeup chair for 6 hours."
Dunn: "So it is likely that most 'contact', such as has been announced, will be...either telepathic or, if I had to guess, through...well, essentially a Zoom meeting for everyone's comfort?" "And I guess this brings up the next natural question: Will we be anticipating a sustained, if limited, physical presence on Earth? And if so, where?"
Biden: "Correct. And that has not yet been discussed to my knowledge.”

Dunn: "So, on to that contact. What do we expect will be on offer, both in the short term and in the longer term? And what, if any, strings are we expecting might be attached?"
Biden: "They've been asking us to get rid of nuclear weapons since the Cold War. But the political landscape has prevented us from making a deal. Until now perhaps."

Dunn: "I presume that some sort of protection - in our hands, that is - would be on the table in exchange for that?"

Biden: " 'Our' meaning humanity? Or the United States?"
Dunn: "Both, after a fashion. Humanity, versus their...that is, the aliens'...rivals. And the United States against other countries, at least that aren't willing to play by their...that is, the aliens' rules."
Biden: "It doesn't work like that. They don't play favorites. It's all or nothing."
Dunn: "Ah, that was not clear. So, any such deal is predicated on getting - for example, China, Russia, North Korea, and Israel to agree to give up their weapons as well?"
Biden: "Correct. Hence why it hasn't happened yet."
Dunn: "You've mentioned that you believe there are things that they can do to help us with - well, you specifically mentioned global warming. What sorts of technologies that you can disclose are potentially on the table as part of this trade?"

Biden produces several documents, handed to him by an aide in anticipation of the question, referencing the International Thermonuclear Experimental Reactor (ITER) Tokamak, a fusion power project.
Biden: "Thermonuclear. ITER was humanity trying to do it ourselves, but we haven't been able to get it right. They can solve our reliance on non-renewable energy."
Dunn: “Very impressive. Is there anything else on the table as part of such an arrangement, either immediately or down the line? Or are we unable to speculate on that at this time?"
Biden: "The sky is the limit I imagine. Literally."
Dunn: "So, I guess the next question is...does ET use Windows, Mac, or Linux?"
Mutual laughter.

Dunn: "Joking aside, what steps are we going to need to take to...I'm going to say, implement these technologies in an orderly manner? And what safeguards will they have that...well, we thought the internet would be a tool for freedom and the results there have been mixed, and the rise of social media has been...even moreso. So what is going to be done to ensure that these new technologies - magnificent as they are likely to be - don't have nasty side-effects?"
Biden: "That's up to Congress, I suppose. That's also the reason I'm asking Congress to lead the negotiations of any "deal" that might happen."
Dunn: “That certainly makes sense. So, I guess this all brings to mind a question: You've said they don't play favorites. Is this a deal to be negotiated with the US, and the rest of the world gets a yes/no decision on whatever fait accompli we offer them? Or will...we be stuck dealing with something like the last few rounds of trade and climate negotiations, where we're having to get some more...difficult...countries to come along?"

Biden: "The United States should continue to be a leader of humanity. We should do whatever it takes to advance our species. Will it be quick and easy? No. But nothing worth doing ever is."
Dunn: "Oh, I understand. I guess...what I'm looking at is, if we negotiate something that...let's say we get Europe, Russia, and China on board. No small task. But if there are holdouts...and on the basis of unlimited energy, I could see some countries willing to spoil such a deal just to ensure that the world doesn't get that and upend their economy - Iran being only two months away from nuclear capability, for example - and others that might do so out of spite - North Korea comes to mind...are we going to be expected to 'fix it ourselves'?"

Biden: "We're all in this together. Unless we can drop our nationalistic tendencies, we're doomed anyway. But I choose to believe in the goodness of humanity. Yes, even in Iran. I can't help but think of President Reagan challenging the United Nations to come together as if ET was known to have made contact. Now that time is upon us. And I believe that humanity can come together in our own mutual self interest."
Biden: "But listen, Adam. I'm an old guy. It's going to be your generation that carries this forward. Don't let us old folks down. And don't let down our future generations."
Dunn: "And on that note...thank you very much for your time, Mr. President."
Biden: "Thank you."

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Andrew Byrd (and family), Virginia

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