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Diaz Introduces Emergency Amendments to Dream Act

Steven Andrews

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Characters Referenced: Juan "Jack" Diaz

Congressman Juan "Jack" Diaz announced that he has introduced amendments to the Dream Act to deal with unexpected alien contact.

"I didn't expect to be making amendments differentiating human immigrants from extraterrestrials today, but I don't think anyone expected that sort of a shift in events.  I have concerns about the underlying bill - the proposed age limit for relief of 18 is far too aggressive, for example.  But if the Democrats are going to try to ram that bill through, I at least want to take steps to shut down avenues of trouble from alien contact before they start up.

"Let's be clear: None of us know how this is going to go.  We're...honestly, we're in the Twilight Zone now in some sense.  These amendments are probably imperfect and we're probably going to need to revise them once or twice to get things to where they need to be.  Frankly, I think we might actually need to find ways to work across the aisle...and after the last decade or so, or even the last few weeks, that's saying something.  But those clauses are a first step to ensuring that we don't let the wrong genie out of the bottle here...and that a bunch of government lawyers don't get stuck interpreting language in pre-contact legislation in ways that make no sense after contact.

"If my amendments fail through this route, I will introduce them as part of separate legislation in the near future, following a similar form.  But I think we're probably racing against the clock to make sure we don't bungle contact in some key way.

"By the way...I just hope we met the Vulcans first and not the Romulans, Klingons, or Borg.  I think we all hope that."

View full press release

Andrew Byrd (and family), Virginia

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